Of Silver Linings and Tomatoes
by CallMeMrBenzedrine
Summary: Crappy Title is Crappy. Spamano AU based off 'The Silver Linings Playbook' Antonio, an optimistic man who only seeks to better himself physically and mentally, has just been released from a mental institute and all he wants now is to be reunited with his ex-Husband. However, Lovino, a foul-mouthed and irritable victim of similar circumstance has other things in mind for him.
1. Chapter 1: Only forever to go

**AN: What's up ladies and gents! This story-If I failed to mention in the summary- is based (in fact almost word for word) Off of 'The Silver Linings playbook.' I read it and I enjoyed it. Thought it would be fun to try and adapt a spamano version, ya know, experiment with different narrative styles. Just for fun. This being the novel version and not the movie because let's face it, that would actually have to involve some creativity which i do not have -so! **

**Anyway, enough blabbing.**

**I own NOTHING and everything belongs to their respective owners and blah de blah de blah- **

**Let's begin! **

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Chapter 1: With only forever to go

My name is Antonio Fernandes Carriedo

I'm Spanish-American, 28 years old and I teach Spanish and Geography the Irvington high school in California.

Or at least I use to.

I've been living in this mental institute for the past few months of my life. I just call it the Bad place, because that's what it is.

I don't remember too much of why or how I got here but what I do remember is that me and Roddy got divorced. Apparently I did something bad, even if I don't remember so I let Roddy take everything, the car, the house, a good chunk of my savings- They said they'd drop all the charges if I did and agreed to live here, To 'Rehabilitate'. I went along with it -I had to- for Roddy. And because of that we've had to have some time to ourselves, some separation time.

Roddy is my husband, well, technically he's my ex-husband now. It's one of the reasons I'm in here actually, They put me here so I can get better, and I'm here to change and turn my life around so I can make up for the bad things I did, and so I can finally make it up to Roddy for being a crappy husband.

Only,

It only felt like a forever more to go until I get to be reunited with my Roddy.

But sometimes forever can only be few months or days away, I would know, it's how long I've been in here for.

I don't have to look over to the open door to know that Bella has decided to surprise me with another one of her visits. But when I do glance over I notice that her hair was short again, cropped to just below her chin with her favourite green headband to keep it from sticking to her face from the heat. She wore it the last time she signed me out of the bad place and took me to the new Italian restaurant in town.

Once again, Bella has found me exercising still in my pyjamas and holed up in my room and I can't help but smile to myself because i know she's just going to complain to one of the guards about why I need to be locked up when i just exercise in my room till the sun sets. I could practically hear her sighing.

"I hope I'm not interrupting your, what? Tenth? eleventh set? But I thought another visit from your beautiful sister was due" A smile, I could hear it in her voice. This was only my second set of one hundred push ups. My daily routine.

"You - planning - to - fatten - me - up- again?" I breathe out each word with each push up, I try to smile but i could taste the sweat running into my mouth so I clamp my lips shut. My room windows were locked- Mandatory usually- making it humid and stuffy. Perfect for working out and burning fat. I could hear her sigh again, like the way a mother might after finding her child asleep on the sofa surrounded by and oblivious to the mess. I was about to open my mouth a speak when she beat me to it.

"I know, I know- You're getting in shape for Roddy so that when you're finally reunited he'll be pleasantly surprised and you'll fall back into each other's arms." Her tone bites, like she's heard it a million times- which she has I admit- and is completely sick of it. But I don't say anything back, I'm practising being polite, even when I don't want to because that's what Roddy always scolded me for, for not thinking before I speak. So we stay there, the room falling silent as she just watches me for a second.

Then she shocks me and my arms almost give out from underneath me. Her voice sort of quivered, the way it did whenever she had something important to say.

"D-Do you think you want to come home with me today?"

I stop doing my push ups, turn my face towards Bella with wide eyes, seeing her shift slightly and avoid meeting my eyes. The way she always did when she thought she'd done something bad or let loose a secret she was supposed to keep, almost like she was guilty. Then when she does look at me it's like she's scared and constantly biting her lip so I know this isn't something she's just said t make conversation. She really means it. She squirms a little more under my attention.

"But it's only if you can promise to behave! And you have to keep with your medication." She adds "You'll be living with me and Lars, you know, until we can set you up with a job, find you an apartment." She trails off, I look at the tiles on the linoleum floor, not able to say anything because I needed a moment for it to sink in, for her words to make sense but all I could focus on was the indistinct pattern in the linoleum, the way you could almost see faces in them. She added.

"Toni, please? You can come back home, see some of your old friends- catch up with them, get on with your life- Please, I miss you and I don't think I can stand coming here anymore and know you don't like it here either. Come home with me, please?"

She was begging, I really hated that, It made it hard to look at her so instead I just kept my eyes fixed on the tiles. My body starting to cool down. The pain and heat of ripping muscles subsiding for the moment.

I didn't want to stay in the bad place anymore, no one here didn't believe in silver linings, or love and happy endings, they all thought I was wasting my time over Roddy and that I should just give up. Like they all had on their own lives. But I had hope, no matter what they said about Roddy and how he wouldn't take me back even after he sees what I've done for him, and that I'd be better off without him, though how could I? He was the best thing that ever happened to me and now everyone just tells me to forget him. I really didn't like it here. But my old life scared me too, what if people out there said the same things that they did in here?

Still, It couldn't be as bad as it was here. I needed to get away from here with all the depressing doctors, ugly nurses and the drugs they marinaded our brains in everyday. I needed to get out of here if I wanted to get my thoughts straight and tricking Bella was probably going to be a lot easier than medical professionals. So I nod, plastering a smile to my face as I get to my feet. "Sure, But Just until my separation is over." I say and then she gives me this look of shock and disbelief like I just declared allegiance to Hitler or something. She doesn't say anything more though. And she leaves me to get ready while she goes to sign the papers.

While she does that I shower, washing away the smell of this place out of my hair and from my skin and down the drain for the last time. My last shower in the bad place. Then I dress, filling my duffel bag with clothes and that one framed picture that I managed to keep of Roddy without them knowing. I say goodbye to my roommate, a tiny trembling Latvian man who only looks at me with confused and surprised eyes. Like he'd never seen me before in his life and that I hadn't been sleeping over his head for the past few months. He was always like this. Poor Raivis, forgetful and frightened of every little thing, how would he ever manage outside of this place.

He stutters something in what I think Is Latvian to me which I assume is either 'goodbye' or 'who are you?' So I just wave back it him once more with a smile and he nods hesitantly. Which is what I assume he does when he understands something, even though I know he'll forget me again by tomorrow.

I wanted to say goodbye to my other friends but they were in music therapy- which I vehemently protest and do not attend because I hate classical music- it just makes me so angry I can barely control myself. The nurses had to tranquillize me to keep me down the first time I tried it. I think they even upped my medication too, but even still, I felt like I should say goodbye to the boys that stuck with me through my darkest days, so I look through the glass of the window, lucky for me, they were thick enough so I couldn't hear whatever music was droning through the speakers. When I looked in though I saw that they were all sitting, cross legged on the floor on top of these llamma print mats with their eyes closed like they were all in this Zen-like state. They just looked so at peace I couldn't bring myself to knock on the door. I didn't want to interrupt that.

Just as well, I hated goodbyes anyway.

When I make it to the front desk Bella is already there waiting for me near the blue lumpy oversized seats, Dr 'Eyebrows' Kirkland waiting with her in his white coat with and usual scowl, he shakes my hand.

"Congrats, Enjoy the rest of your life Toni, I hope I don't see you in here again." he says in that British drawl of his.

"Thanks, I hope I never see you too." I mean it when i say it, but he looks at me like I've just insulted him- which isn't far from the truth because I understand the sentiment behind what he's saying but I also thought it would be good to make a joke for once, see if his scowl could be turned into a smile. He just rolls his eyes, Apparently not, then. I didn't really like 'Eyebrows' much anyway, he doesn't believe in happy endings or silver linings, instead he'd just preaches negativity and scepticism, even telling me that I was just wasting my time and I should just abandon my efforts.

But I don't let it get to me, I want hi to know that he has failed in trying to indoctrinate me with all his depressing philosophies and frame of thinking. Because the day that I've waiting for and working so hard far is finally nearing and I can't help but somehow feel excited and nervous all at the same time, like my heart was a rioter against my ribcage. I make sure he understands this as I wear the biggest smile yet since I got here and pat his arm as I leave. "Hasta La Vista, Baby!" I say it as I leave even though I don't ever want to see him again in my life. I can't tell if it worked because all he did was scoff and wave it off. Didn't matter though, I was finally out.

Bella drives slowly, almost too carefully as she talks to me, she tells me that Eyebrows thought letting me out was a bad Idea. I look out the window, watching the scenery of new health bars and days spas taking up the places that used to be fast food joints and dive bars, all of it a complete blur to me that I could barely register. I barely recognised the way we were going was to Long Beach, it was like waking up to suddenly find everything you've ever known had been replaced and all that was left were the road signs and the side-walks. Even the people look new. Bell tries to engage me in conversation, talking to me about this new therapist I'd have t go see-one of the best in the state apparently- It was one of the conditions of my release she says. Apparently she was only able to get me out with the help of her friends' lawyers who managed to persuade some judges to let me out-provided I stay with my half sister and attend my weekly sessions. I thank her, and promise her I'll do just that, because I know no one fought as hard for me as she did.

We stop at changing traffic lights and she looks at me, right in the eye and asks me what If I want to get better. "Toni, You do want to get better right? Properly, right?" I nod, and say I do.

Several turns and faintly recognizable streets later and we're suddenly driving down a familiar suburban avenue. The side-walks crawling with strangers and kids who looked way too young to be on their own, running and shrieking in their driveways and scrambling as they saw us from a mile away, Bell just narrowly missing one and almost giving us whiplash as she swerves and breaks. The kid personally oblivious to his narrowly missed appointment with death. Bell laughs in relief and lets her head hit the steering wheel. I'm still clutching the edge of my seat by the time we roll into the drive way, breathing hard and unable to shake my anxiety. Partially from the almost accident, another part because I just realised that for the first time in months I've finally been let out and I feel like I've forgotten how to live normally.

I tell Bella this and she just rubs my arm, telling me that my new Therapist, a Dr. Patel, will help me feel better. I just nod, trying to swallow and breath. One bodily function at a time.

When we get inside I practically run to the basement, my hand unconsciously dropping the duffel in my hand as I take in what is essentially my own personal Christmas. I see my old treadmill and weights that I use to keep at home like they were shiny and brand new propped near the far end. I also see two of my old guitars that I thought were probably long gone and gathering dust in some unknown basement or recycled for spare parts and trash- because I know there was no way Roddy would keep my electric guitars, though maybe my Spanish acoustic one that I bought when we went there about five years back, he was more into the classical side of things- Especially music- But I'm still shocked and ecstatic to see some of my old stuff again, stuff I missed wile in the bad place and neglected long before I went there. There was even a stereo set by my bed with racks and stacks of my old CDs from back home- How I would never take these things for granted again!

I hear my sister make her way down the steps, calling my name but I cut her off, throwing my arms around her and lifting her off the ground as I swung her around.

"Thankyou-Thankyou-Thankyou!" I squeeze her, she lets out a surprised yelp but soon she's smiling with me. When I put her down the smile doesn't disappear.

"They've been gathering some dust here for a while- I mean, it took Lars some convincing at first but we managed to convince them to let us keep some of the old stuff." she explains gesticulating as she spoke before looking at me finally and expectantly. I give her another hug, but leave her feet on the ground.

"Thank you, I love it." my words are muffled as I speak them into her shoulder as she pats me on the back.

"Welcome home, Toni"

She lets me get settled into my new room, and eagerly i'm already playing around with my guitar, strumming and tuning thanking Bella for even buying me a new tuner- though I didn't really need it with my perfect pitch. Then I fiddle with the treadmill some, pleased that it's still in good condition despite the layer of gathering dust- which made me think just how long had they been here, it had only been a few months, right? Even then they still had to move it from my old house to here so it shouldn't be this bad. I shake the thoughts from my head and don't let myself dwell on it for too long as I carry on the workout I was interrupted earlier today. After that I unpacked my stuff, shifting all of my carried possessions into the old plastic dresser they moved downstairs for me. Then I get to my daily memoirs, see, since I had started staying in the bad place I had a hard time telling the passage of time and frequently had more and more difficulty remembering simple things- (what, with the cocktail of drugs we had to take) So I asked Bella to sneak me in a notebook so I could start writing everyday to help me remember.

Just basic stuff like what I did that day and what I was hoping for the next day, sometimes even weird dreams or just any thought I had of Roddy. They confiscated it when they found the first one. Bella had to get me another so I had to start over.

I sat down on the bed, looking for a pen somewhere, ready to write my daily memoir when I noticed a picture of the three of us as kids on my bedside table. Bella, Lars and me.

Later that day I asked Bella if she had any wedding pictures of me and Rod, she told me that Mom took them with her when she went up to Washington and that their probably somewhere in her attic and that it would be bothersome if we asked her find them all by herself. I ask her about the other pictures of me and Roddy together and if she still had any of those, but she said that they were burned and that they had a fire a while back. "But what about all these other pictures? I thought you said the fire burnt them all?" she tells me she was able to replace them because she had some negatives left over and that my pictures were the only ones she didn't have negatives for because she only had copies. I decided I didn't want to ask anymore questions and instead just mourn the loss of my treasured memories.

I tell her that once our separation is over, Me and Roddy would recreate every picture that was lost and keep extra negatives just in case. She doesn't say anything to me after I declare myself, she just nods and goes into the kitchen and makes me some tea. Which I hate but drink because I know she's trying to be nice.

My half brother and I do not talk for the first week that I am here, which is not surprising since he is almost never home and beside that has always despised me since our childhood years. We see each other in the hallways of course but he never says anything to me- which is just fine because even now he still towers over me and I have to admit he can be pretty intimidating sometimes. He's works for the time being- so Bella tells me- as an auto mechanic, repairing and remodelling second hand cars down at some undisclosed and obscure location that I've never heard of, probably another new place that opened up while I was in the Bad place. He always disappears so early in the morning and doesn't get back and till Bell and I are asleep. Once, when I was getting ready for my morning run, I saw him take with him a paper bag full of carrots and lettuce. I think he might be secretly training bunnies for show-jumping.

He's always preferred his personal space, which I am happy to give since, since most of our encounters often consist of awkward and tense silences. He only ever visited me once in the bad place, and that was with Bella. He said some pretty nasty things back then and I can see in the faces he makes when I'm around, he's not happy about this arrangement and that if it were up to him, his deranged half brother would still be locked up where no one could hear you scream.

Then I think about Roderich.

Roddy loves art. Art and music, those were the only two things I've ever known him to be so passionate about for as long as I've known him and me being the uncultured oaf, as he and his friends referred to me as, he's always encourage me to take an interest. But I always brushed it off, trips to the museums and concerts that he always wanted to see, I would dismiss as boring and pretentious. I was blind to the fact that he was only trying to share with me the thing that instilled so much emotion into his life, what he was so passionate about, and I just mocked it all. Looking back on it, made my eyes sting and my throat to clench,I let myself dwell for a bit on the past and how much of a terrible husband I was to him. Doing this always helps motivate me to be a better person.

Bella takes me to the library and there she lets me choose books to borrow now that I'm at home and can read what I want without worrying that the doctors will take it away. She checks out for me some books on art focusing on the renaissance period and some books on music theory and history. I manage to finish some of the art books within the week, even going so far as to look up locations of nearby modern art museums that I could take Roddy to and impress him with my new gained knowledge once we're together again. And then I'm suddenly all excited again, like there's a riot in my chest and it's beating against my ribcage and my stomach is swimming like it's defying gravity and I remember that there is still another forever to go till my eventual reunion with Roddy.

My Roderich. He's going to be so proud of me when he discovers that I've worked to remedy my 'uncultured' ways.

I do see why Roddy enjoys loves art, the way emotions and moods are conveyed in not only the image of content of what they are creating but the also the process of how they are created and somehow to me that just makes it all the more beautiful, and I can't help but it all to my experience these last few months. That with every day that I spend working to better myself for our eventual reunion -towards our happy ending- The eventual day that we are finally reunited will only be all the more sweeter and beautiful than what my dreams are failing to capture.

I spend the rest of my nights fantasizing and dreaming of what that day will be like and how our impressed he'll be when I show off my new knowledge all suave and sophisticated and how we could hold wine tasting dinner parties and I'd even impress all his friends during dinner conversations. It'll be amazing, I imagine, picturing the looks on their faces and the surprised smile on Roddy's. And then all of a sudden I feel myself aching for him and just missing him and needing him like a lifeline thrown out of my reach. I fall asleep that night, the last picture of him that I owned held tight against my chest. Wishing desperately for forever to come soon.

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**EN: Thoughts and feelings? Share below! I'm ready! I can take it! **

**I mean, reviews are always appreciated. **

**But man! **

**Ugh, agony, you know? Just-Just agony! **


	2. Chapter 2: New Ears and an Open Mind

My Therapist Is a French man.

A 'Dr. Bonnefoy' I read on the small appointment card Bella drops in front of my cereal bowl, apparently one of the best in state and that if I want to keep to the court ruling and stay out of the Bad place, then I was going to see him today. I nodded, I didn't mind.

Not really. It just meant I'd have to make up for my morning jog later tonight. But that was fine.

It could wait.

So I get dressed and we drive to the clinic, which is a lot closer than I thought it would be so I didn't have much time to soak in the new route. The clinic was a crisp white building, I remember it from our drive back home the other week and suddenly I'm feeling all shades of nervous and green just thinking about what this new doctor was gonna be like. I've seen doctors before in the bad place and back there they all said the same thing. Preaching pessimism and telling me that my goals were 'unrealistic' and 'naive' and then up my meds till I was pissing more drugs than urine. It was one of the reasons I kept that journal, to stop from really going insane like they all thought I was, and to try and keep the days from blurring into one.

When we finally got there I submitted myself to one of the hard blue pleather seats, waiting for Bella to finish signing some paper work, and occasionally handing me the odd thing to scrawl onto. It must of taken them about ten trees because even by the time everything was signed, it took two pairs of hands to get it all filed and carried. As soon as several stacks of my medical history are sent off I suddenly feel my pulse quicken and my palms sweat it wasn't so much that I was nervous I'd been to appointments like this all the time before in the bad place. Even still. So I go to sit back down, watching as the hands of the clock ticked by, each second longer than the last.

My Therapist was definitely a French man. If his name didn't convince me earlier than the obviously European greeting certainly did.

That and his accent that followed the assault of polite affection upon my crossing his threshold and into his office. I must of looked embarrassed because I can hear the giggle of Bella and the receptionist from behind me; this happened a lot with other male clients was my guess. Though I wasn't about to let him get away with it, so I take his face firmly between my hands and show him just how much of a full blooded European man I am and kiss him back squarely and solidly on each cheek in return and his eyes go wide before a grin even wider stretches across his face.

"Welcome! Mr Carriedo, yes? Good good- please, take a step into my office-"

But I don't hear him.

As soon as his door opens, all I hear is the crescendo of melodious piano keys, The cascade of notes falling fluidly one after the other, assaulting my ears and then suddenly breathing feels like I've just been tossed around under water. _No no no no_. My chest hurts and my heart pounds like I've just ran a marathon as it continues to hit me, louder. Clearer. It becomes an onslaught and then before I realize it I'm shouting, my firsts clamping over my ears as I scream,

"No! Stop! Make it stop!" Crying as I attack the CD player in the waiting room, until it stops. Until everyone stops, the patients the nurses, even my new Doctor. They all stop to look at me like I'm a wild animal, and I can feel myself panting like I am one and they're scared. Even Bella, as I notice the radius of space around me having grown wider since my outburst, It takes a second longer for everyone to react; patients and nurses averting their eyes as my doctor tries to discretely adjust. I even feel Bella's hand rubbing circles into my back as I try to wipe what's left of it away with the heel of my palm and follow him reluctantly into his office away from judgemental eyes. But she doesn't follow. She stays to help the receptionist with the mess I made.

His Office was nothing like I expected, or anything like the ones back in the Bad Place.

Simply put

His office was a work of Art. The walls were painted to look as if the room itself was afloat amongst the clouds, the blue of the sky even stretching onto the ceiling and the clouds onto the floor but disappearing into the wall lining and into polished hard wood. Even still, I couldn't help admire the way the attention to detail of the painting, the way the clouds seemed to look graspable and achingly soft, even the way the way the white and silver linings were painted amazed me. I looked up at the ceiling only to be left marvelling at how the base of the ceiling lamp were rays of light spreading and scattering across the bed of clouds that nestled us, meant to be the sun The room itself if bare, except for two leather recliners in the centre of the room -one brown and one black. He had plants, hung around the room -long, willowy looking ferns with white trimmed ivy and a plant that I really liked that had little orange blossoms that looked kind of like goldfish. I must have been spacing out for a while because Dr Bonnefoy has to pat me on the shoulder gently to bring me back to earth, and when I look at him, he only smiles warmly, urging me to choose a seat.

"Mon'ami, please, sit down." he gestures to the two seats and I realize it's my choice, so I go and sit in the black one but then start worrying that he may read it like I'm feeling down or depressed which I'm not because once I enter the room I felt calm and I don't even mind that I just heard classical music only moments ago. As he goes to sit in the recliner opposite me, I let myself notice him properly- He was close to my height, but slimmer. His ash blonde hair falling just past his shoulder, forgoing the normal boring clean cut look that screamed professionalism in favour of style. To drive this point home he adjusts his seat, leaning back and putting up the leg rest as he makes himself perfectly comfortable and waves a hand for me to do the same.

"Please, relax, I prefer to keep my sessions quite comfortable and little less formal" he says "And No Dr. Bonnefoy here, please, call me Francis- keep it friendly, yes?" He seems nice enough so like him I pull the lever, and lean back, and try to relax. He speaks calmly.

"So," as if afraid to be intrusive "Would you want to talk about what happened in the waiting room?"

At the mention of it I close my eyes, hum a single note to my self, count silently to ten and clear my mind.

When i open my eyes, he tries again "Ah, well I'm not much of a fan of classical myself-"

At the mention of it I close my eyes, hum a single note to my self, count silently to ten and clear my mind.

"Alright, would you want to tell me about Roderich then?"

"What do you want to know?" I say on the defensive, I admit.

"Well," he begins "I want to help you and to do that I'm going to need to get to know you, right? Well Bella tells me you wish to be reunited with him- that it's your life goal, right?- So I figured we should start there?"

I can't help but feel better at his words because he doesn't say that it's out of the question or that I'm delusional and that really helps me to feel positive about the possibility of a reunion and for the first time since our separation I feel like our reconciliation is actually possible.

"R-Rod? He's great!" and before I know it, I'm smiling, warmth spreading in my chest whenever I think about him or say his name. "He's the best thing that's ever happened to me and I just can't imagine my life without him- you know? These last few months have been hell, I just can't wait till our separation time is finally over."

"separation time?"

"yeah, separation time."

"What is separation time?"

"Well, A few months a go, I agreed to give Rod some time to himself and he agreed to come back when he'd worked out his issues so we could be together again, so we're separated but it's only temporary."

"Why did you separate?"

"Because I never appreciated him, I was never there either, I spent a lot of time at school so she was always home alone- he got lonely. Also I started letting myself go, I gained about half my weight- but I'm working on that now! I'd even go to a couples counsellor if he asked me, I'm ready to show him I've changed and that I'm willing to work on our marriage."

"Did you set a date?"

"A Date?"

"When to end your separation"

"No."

"So it's indefinite, then?"

"I guess- especially since I'm not allowed to contact him or his family so as far as I know."

"Umm... I don't know really, I mean- I love my in laws like I love my family but I guess they weren't too happy about the way things were between us, but I'm sure once we're back together he can sort it out and clear it up with them."

"On what do you base your thinking?" he asks, with a nice friendly smile.

"I believe in happy endings and that alls well ends well." I tell him with a small smile of my own "And it feels like this movie has gone on for the right amount of time."

"Movie?" he says, his eyebrows raised in surprised and I can't help thinking to myself that he looks a bit like Kurt Cobain, if he went into psychotherapy instead of music. Which I realize is weird because we're sitting here talking about Rod and happy endings and Kurt Cobain is- you know, dead.

"Yeah," I say "Have you ever noticed that life is like a series of movies sometimes?"

"No, tell me"

"Well, first the movie always start off with adventures or some sort of goal, usually there's a problem and then they fix the problem by confronting it and then they become a better person for it by working really hard which acts as fertilizer that allows them to earn their happy ending. Like in The Rocky movies, The Karate Kid, Star Wars, even in Indiana Jones- which are all my favourite movies- But I've sworn off them until our separation is over. My own life is pretty much the only movie I'll be watching right now since, it's always on- plus it's almost time for my own happy ending and I know Roddy will come back after I've become a better person through therapy, and physical fitness and hell- maybe even meditation"

"Ah, I see," He smiles and nods "Well I like happy endings too,"

"So you agree with me, right? You think Roddy will come back?"

"Time will tell," he says and right there I know that Francis and I are going to get along just fine because he doesn't preach pessimism, or shoot down my hopes like Dr Kirkland did. He doesn't think my idea about happy endings are naive nor does he try to tell me what he thinks my reality is. I was beginning to see why he was considered the best in the state.

"Its funny, all the other therapists I've seen said that I should just forget about Roddy, that he wasn't coming back even after all the improvements I've been making"

"People can be cruel" he says with a sympathetic look and already I can feel myself trusting him more when I see that he's not writing any of this down or taking notes like all the others did. I really appreciated that, it really did make things seem more friendly.

I compliment his decorating, especially the clouds, and then we're talking about my love for silver linings and the pity that others seem to forget them even when they're only just above us.

Then I ask about him, to be nice, I ask if he's married or has a family and to my surprise he says he's divorced. He had a wife but they just grew apart over the years, I apologise to him, which he waves away because how could it be my fault- he says.I really appreciated him telling me this, because I know that the relationship between a doctor and his patient was supposed to be a professional one, and that really, we shouldn't be talking to each other like this, but it does help me to trust him, to open up without feeling threatened or like I'm nuts. He also tells me he has two sons, both in high school right now, twins, but he laughs a little saying he's never seen two people so completely different in his life. The older twin, He says wants to be a quarter back, that he's got a gift for sports and the kind of energy that could make it happen. Then there's the younger brother who ,he says with as much love only a father could muster whilst speaking about his sons, inherited most of the working brain matter whilst in the womb. Said he wanted to be a writer, I could understand that.

Before I leave, Francis says that he's going to be changing my medication, which could lead to some unwanted side-effects and that if I ever experienced any drowsiness or discomfort or any anxiety and anything else that I should tell Bella immediately- because it might take some time for him to find the right combination of drugs- and I promise him I will.

On the drive home, I tell Bella about Dr. Bonnefoy and how much more hopeful I'm feeling about going to therapy now. I give her a kiss on the cheek, thanking her for getting me out of the bad place and that Roddy's more likely to come down to meet Dr Bonnefoy than go to a mental institution, and when I say this I swear I could see Bella's knuckles turn white and her eyes start to water, which really gets to me. Eventually she has to pull over to try and calm herself, her head against the steering wheel, shaking and making all sorts of crying noises. So I start rubbing her back like she did for me back at the waiting room, after a few more minutes or so she stops crying and she gets the engine on and we're driving back home.

I have to make up for the lost hour at the clinic so I end up working late into the night without realizing, and when I go to bed don't even realize that Lars is home, in his study with the door shut. Another day without communicating with my brother passes. I think it's strange to live in a house with someone you can't talk to- especially when that person is your brother- and that thought just makes me a little sad.

We didn't go to the library today so I don't have anything to read. So for the night I just close my eyes, and think about Roddy, so we can be together in my dreams- like always.

* * *

**AN: **Sweet baby Jesus! This took a lot longer than it really should have for a couple thousand words!

But better late than never, right?

Right?!

Stay Beautiful babes B)


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